Why Is the Rum Gone?
by tragicromancewriter
Summary: Jack Sparrow gets a bit delusional on the island he and Elizabeth Swan are trapped on! Now suddenly, he meets Willy Wonka, and some strange creatures that are called Umpa-Lumpas! ONE-SHOT


**If you can randomly picture their faces it's a lot better. Supposed to be a comedy, but it's more action I think.**

**Re-uploaded from my old account.**

"But why is the rum gone?" he asked in disbelief. There was no bloody way that anyone could possibly NOT have rum. Or any alcoholic beverage.

"What rum?" the man in the top hat and ridiculous suit asked him. The man in the top hat was tall and had the weirdest hair that Captain Jack Sparrow had ever seen-it was scarlet-ish and cut in the oddest way.

Captain Jack turned toward Elizabeth Swan, the woman who had just blown up all the rum on the small isle that they were inevitably trapped on.

But Elizabeth wasn't there-and for that matter neither was the isle. He was in a meadow of some sort with a metal sky and the only company he had was the man in the top hat.

"Where am I?" he asked in disbelief as he looked around. He saw now that it wasn't just a meadow-he was somewhere where hard candies grew on trees.

"You're in my factory," the man said matter-of-factly strolling in front of him. "My chocolate factory."

"A factory?" Jack looked almost revolted, and then obviously had an idea that appealed to him. "Are you sure it's not a rum factory? After all it would be great business from customers like myself, and well, any pirate that truly is a pirate, because if pirates ate chocolate they would be fat. And it is very hard to pirate when you're fat."

"No," the man shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I own a chocolate factory."

The man turned and started walking. "Come this way, far too much to see."

"Oh, bugger," Jack said as he followed the man thinking it was a very, very bad idea to follow him, but Jack was still hoping that he might get some rum.

"I'm Willy Wonka," the strange man said to him as they walked. "And this is my factory. My chocolate factory. It's the biggest and best chocolate factory in the world. I own it-did I mention that?"

"Once or twice," he said as he poked the reddest, shiniest apple he had ever seen. It came off with a low pop. Jack watched it roll down the hill.

"That could have been worse," he leaned against the tree. There was a dull creek as the tree started to lean away from the path-toward the apple. Jack grabbed a branch that broke off as soon as he grabbed it.

"Oh bugger," he said again as he watched the tree roll down the hill following the apple.

He looked to see if Wonka was watching-he wasn't he was still walking along the path talking.

"No other factory mixes its chocolate by waterfall, and you can take that to the bank."

Jack ran down the hill after the tree. Eventually it stopped, but Jack ran into it after tripping over the apple.

He watched as it rolled into the chocolate river. Then made up his mind to follow it along the bank.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked the tree. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow, and I order you to stop."

The tree got stuck and stopped.

"Very good tree," Jack said as he went forward to get the tree and put it back before Wonka noticed.

He stepped onto the tree and was about to grab it when all of the apples popped off with low little _pop, pop, pops_.

Then the tree started going down the chocolate river once again.

"Oh, bugger," Jack said, then he saw the water fall ahead. "Another oh bugger."

He saw a low vine as the tree was about to fall over the edge. He grabbed it, but saw that _he_ was now dangling over the edge of the waterfall.

"This is not my day," he said as he hung there. Then, a little man appeared.

The man opened his mouth and began to sing, _Can the Sparrow fly?_

_Fly-y-y, _several other little men appeared out of nowhere and approached him.

_The apple fell down the hill,_

_Followed by the tree it fell,_

_And the Sparrow went_

_After it._

_To the bottom they fell._

_And then down the strea-ea-eam they went,_

_Sparrow jumped on for a ride,_

_And now he hangs from a vine._

"Shoo," Jack said to them as they swam under him. "Go on, shoo, shoo."

_To his death he could fall,_

_Unlike the tree,_

_Sure and tall._

Jack watched in disbelief as a few of the small men carried the tree back to its spot.

_Over the edge of the world,_

_He could fall_

_His arms will tire,_

_His strength no more._

_Fly-y-y, Sparrow._

There was a muted clapping and Jack looked over to see Wonka jumping up and down. Wonka was looking just above him.

Jack looked up and saw that one of the small men was cutting the vine.

"None of that!" he yelled. "Hey shoo!"

As he gave the final snip the man said, _Let's watch the Sparrow fly._

"Nooooo!" Jack yelled as he fell to his doom.

Wonka sighed. "I didn't get to tell him about the waterfall making the chocolate light and frothy."

He looked sad for several more seconds then said, "Oh, well. Maybe next time." He smiled at the thought.

"Jack? Are you all right?"

Jack opened his eyes and saw Elizabeth Swan kneeling over him.

And then Jack realized three things: one, he was not dead, two, he was wet and in the water, and three, there were British soldiers surrounding him.

"Captain Jack Sparrow," Governor Swan said.

"Oh bugger," Jack said, for what he hoped was for the last time today.


End file.
